HAPPY 17TH

Today i am 17 years and 4 days old. Yes, 4 days ago, on 7th October, 7th day of the month, 7 the day of the week, i turned SEVENteen. Did you see what i did there? Heehee. Seven seven seven seven~~

Sweet seventeen huh? Well not much, didn't really celebrate but then it was a good day. Honestly i don't really understand why birthdays must be celebrated. To show that you have survived 17 years of life and painful reality? Well, okay. But i think most of all it should be a day to thank your mum. After all, for me, 17 years ago, a woman actually went into a life and death situation, she went into labour. She gave birth to a premature baby girl. She gave birth to me. Maybe you thing, its only labour. No big deal. Where got life and death situation? You are dead wrong. Would you like to try giving birth to a child? To a child you have been carrying and taking care of in your womb for 9 months??  I have not gone through pregnancy yet, but i know it is not easy. Its painful, its breath taking. Not in a good way. So yes, have you all thought about it. Here you are celebrating the fact that you were born  years ago. But did you remember who went through the pain years ago in order for you to come into this world and experience life? Maybe some of you think, i'd rather not be born. Life sucks. My mom should have just killed me. Why did she gave birth to me? To make me suffer? NO. No mom would ever want that for their child. In fact nobody knows that your life is going to suck. Life isn't all about the down, its also about the happy moments, about growing up, about the people you have met and lots more.

I may not have said this to her or anyone yet. But when i celebrate my next birthday. I would like to thank her. Without her, If she hadn't taken care of herself and me during her pregnancy, i wouldn't be born. If she didn't pull through labour, i wouldn't be alive. 

Ok, back to my seventeenth. A day before my birthday, while i was watching some animes in the afternoon, daddy called me from work and wished me an advanced Happy Birthday. So sweet. He told me he got work the next day and couldn't celebrate. But nevermind, my birthday isn't usually celebrated by family. Anyway i had already planned to go out with GR. Then later at around 9pm, syafiqah texted me an advance birthday wish. That girl :') Always being the first to wish me on my birthday. See, this is her. Been my SJ buddy for 4 years. I miss her.

We so kental last time  

And then my aunt wished on facebook with a video of the chipettes singing Happy birthday~~. How cute! She is the aunt i am closest with by the way. Oh and its still not 7th Ocotber yet. Its an advanced wish. Not long later, dearest Janice Zhuang texted me a birthday text. Janice Zhuang is the first friend i made in class when i get into Singapore Polytechnic. She is so adorable and strong and kind and sweet. I am really glad i met her. If not, i doubt i would fit in or have any good friends by now. 

I kept giving hints to GR to wish me too. But being a cuckoo, he just doesn't get it. At 0000, i receives a text from dearest baby Farhana. Before i read her text, GR texted me. Heehee. Ofcourse i read Farhana's first. I kept smiling when i read her birthday text. (I smiled at everyone's). She said a kitty dies everytime i do not share my problems with her. Like what? How is that possible? That do not make sense? But see, how screwed up my friends are? They are like the cutest kitties in the world.  Okay then i ready baby's text. He said he is sad he couldn't be the first to wish me. But he is the first to wish me on my birthday right right? Haha how adorable! Sorry to disappoint him, but he isn't the first. It was Farhana. Then him. Afterwards all the facebook wishes flooded in. 

The next day GR fetch me from home and we went to orchard. And i broke my virginity. HAHAHA! My cold stone creamery virgintiy. Yums Yums. I had "peanut butter cup perfection" and GR had "Germanchokolatekake" Its a real name ok.

 

Then we went to BUGIS. I wanted to had my fondue at swensens but were still much too full from the ice cream. So we walked around and went for a movie. We watch "the fierce wife final episode" It is actually a Taiwan drama. However they made the last episode into a movie. Yes of course i did watch the drama before. and it was a happy ending. :') It made me learn a thing or two about being in a relationship. We watched it at Bugis+. Did you know they had a cinema theatre there? Bet you didn't. Haha.

I got hungry before the movie start. But there wasn't enough time to go to swensen to eat cause the movie is gonna start in less than an hour. So we went to pastamania and grab a quick Lunchnner (lunch plus dinner?). 

My favourite Tom Yum Seafood

After the movie it was too late for me to get Swensen, it was almost time for me to head home. Should have gone to se=wensen earlier i guess. :( But oh well. We still had a little time for window shopping. And i forced GR to buy me a music box as a birthday present. It plays a short part of the song "my heart will go on" from titanic. Ofcourse there was harry potter and a few other songs. But WE chose this song. :)

As you can see, my boyfriend isn't at all romantic or sweet. He didn't plan a surprise for me even thought he knew how badly i wanted a surprise for my birthday. But okay la.... i will get over that. (I am not a spoilt brat, its just that nobody has ever surprised me before and it's be nice if that happens for once) Anyway, i guess i don't really need gifts or 100 over people to wish me a happy birthday. Cause having my loved ones entering and never leaving my life is already the best gift.  and having my lovely friends and family remembering my birthday and wishing me, that is enough. 

Oh wait, i forgot to mention mom bought me the vaseline soap i wanted for my birthday. She also bought me TWO deodorant. ( I think she thinks i am smelly D: ) I asked why she bought two. She said she only bought one. The other one is a perfume (body spray). So when i pointed it out to her... She said "Oh" with a totally innocent face and said " nvm, now you will never run out of deodorant. Thanks mum. Thanks. You are the cutest mum ever. Now i have three deodorant on my dressing table. Definitely wont run out of deodorant now. Heehee. Oh and now that my birthday is over, i think age is really catching up to me. Its starting to show on my face. I look old. Nooooo~~~!!!!!

Okay that is all for my birthday post. Hope everybody will have a great day ahead~~

My birthday OOTD

 

How to save a life.

That talk we had last night. It is so related to the song "How to save a life" by The Fray.
The lyrics when it goes:
"Step one, you say, “We need to talk”
He walks, you say, “Sit down, it's just a talk”He smiles politely back at youYou stare politely right on through "
I knew you need to meet your friends for a game of DOTA. when i asked you you what time did you need to go? You said anytime. Then you asked what time i want to go home and i said "9+" and your face turned a little sour. I knew you were worried you were going to be late for the game. But the LAN room is open 24/7. The game and your friends can wait. This talk can't. This talk has been on my mind since the previous night. Throughout the day i was with you i was rather quiet cause i have been practicing what to say in my mind. I was dying to let it all out. Cause i just couldn't take it anymore. When i planned the strong, crying was part of it. I wanted to be strong. When i confronted you about your lie, i stared you in the eye. But you kept denying politely. And we kept staring at each other and i could feel my heart getting crushed and my eyes was starting to sting. And i just let it all out. I cried and talk and scolded and refused to listen to you. I couldn't accept your explanations. You said it was because you were afraid, you didn't want to hurt me. Then why did you lie? This not only hurt me. This kills me. It destroyed all the trust i had for you. I am giving you another chance but i can't help feeling down and disappointed. I can hardly look you in the eye without feeling any pain. You just don't understand how i feel because nobody has ever lied to you straight in the face before. 
The lyrics:
"Lay down a list of what is wrong
  The things you've told him all along
  And pray to god he hears you
  And pray to god he hears you""As he begins to raise his voice
  You lower yours and grant him one last choice
  Drive until you lose the road
  Or break with the ones you've followed ""He will do one of two things
  He will admit to everything
  Or he'll say he's just not the same
  And you'll begin to wonder why you came"
I told you everything you did wrong and you have no reasonable answers to give. I was trying to help you. Give you a direction in life. Make you a better man. But you are not listening. You are not trying. I wish to give up but i am not the kind of person to stop what i am doing half way. I have come this far and i must not let my effort go to waste. I pray to god for help. I pray that you will heed my advice. I hope something will get into your head and down into your heart. Not into one ear and out of the other. But then again, as i am trying to help you, i think... I am helping you. But who is helping me? Am i strong enough to actually help and guide you? I am just a girl. Maybe, just maybe, as i am trying to help you, i might lose myself along the way.

I talked to you as nicely as possible. I did not raise my voice. But you begin to get angry and impatient. You got violent. You started hitting things. And that really scares me. I wanted to reach out to you, deep within you and just calm you down. I want you to silently listen to me and absorb and understand all that i am trying to tell you. There is no need to get so worked up. I kept myself quiet for that moment, afraid you will make anymore unnecessary violent actions.You admitted to the lies. But you stood up for them. You knew it is wrong but you choose to say they are right. I really thought, why did i bother talking to you? You just won't get me. You are in your own world. Everything is always about you. You are right. Your reasons are good. You want sex. You want smoke. You want sleep. You want DOTA. You don't want to study. You hate school. You hate Singaporeans. You think China people are still the best. It is always about you. 
You never spare a thought about what i have been doing. What i am trying to do. Why i am doing do all this? And it is for who? You never spare a thought about my feelings, thoughts, pains, happiness. I have done everything for you. You have done nothing for me. Not a single sense of gratitude or appreciation for what i have done. Maybe i should just stop it all. Stop trying. Stop saving this relationship for falling further into the pitfall. If i stop, there would be no more us. Would you want that? I can't be the only one trying to save us every time. I need you to work with me. This a relationship. Not a one man ship. I am not single. I need you to be in this together with me. And please, you are the man. Why am i doing everything?   

Introducing, Me

Hi, This is my very first post. My name is Raihana and i am turning 17 this year (very soon). Just call me Hana will do. I am not really a blogger kind of person. And my blog is not a specific blog like a fashion blog, food blog or whatever not. My blog is well, mine. It will have to reflect me. I don't really aim to be like xiaxue, her friends or Naomi Neo who are famous bloggers. But if it happens, it would be nice. But dream on!

Basically i created this blog to prevent from having to much post on my tumblr. My tumblr is dedicated for posts that can show supports to me and people. Oh, please don't get the wrong idea. I am not a famous tumblr-er. >< I AM NOT. But well, my tumblr is not a place where i want to go on, ranting or boasting about whatever happens in my personal life. There, it is a more general expression of me and who i want to be.

This is me:

Hi!! My hair is a little longer now though.

I follow up with horoscopes regularly. You can see it from my twitter: https://twitter.com/raiihanapinkz  I do not really believe in them though. But some actually are true. :O But it is against my religion to believe them. Yes, i have a religion. I am Muslim, my religion is Islam. Any haters out there? Please no. One of my dreams is world peace. Literally. No wars, no people hating on other races, religions or nationality. That would be PERFECT.

And, I am attached. This is my beloved boyfriend: 

Not a very clear picture of me and him 

He is quite an important person in my life. Not my ideal guy. But he is more than enough. He is not of the same race, religion or nationality as me, but we manage to last for 13 month coming to 14 month now. He is just so cute! I call him rongrong, ah rong, bi, da zhu, pig and many more. But for my posts, i will just use his initial GR so that you know it is him. 

Hmm, i don't know what else to say. Oh ok, i am not rich. I have a very i-don't-know-what-words-to-use-to-describe my family. They are loving, but they don't show it. They are rather cold and stubborn and we always fight!! My family consists of my parents, my brother and two sister. And I LOVE THEM A LOT. My family:

Another, well, blur photo. 6 of us :)

Okay, well you will get to know more about me as i post more. :)

toodles,

Hana.